As everyone know (if you duno den u r nt everyone), the book of the ancient SML told of a young hero that will rise and fight FCC. However, there are three such people and they are debating who is the real hero. They are Red Spade Ranger, Ninja and SML Samurai.
Thus to settle this debate, SML Times have organised a voting session that will decide who is the real hero. Simply sms Jaguar Warrior about who you think is the actual hero. This voting session ends on 1st January 2008 at 0000hrs. Any votes received after the dead line will be voided.
A speech is made by all the three candidates.
Red Spade Ranger: u see ar, i RED SPADE RANGER leh, SPADE leh, biggest leh. Of course i the hero ma. Haha. Some more i red ranger, so i leader of the SML Rangers, so i muz be the hero ma.
Ninja: I learn the ancient art of the ninja, and i use my power for good. Of course, Red Spade Ranger may be the leader, but that does nt prove that he is the hero. So muz vote for me hor.
SML Samurai: u see both the two ppl above all tell u muz vote for them, so direct... ... Vote for me hor, cos i am the hero ma. i use samurai magic to defeat FCC de wad.
Having heard the three candidates, the power is in your hands to vote for who is the hero. cast your votes now!! SMS Jaguar Warrior now!!! (I'm serious)
Shocking News!!! An assassin attempted to kill SML Land's president cum prime minister cum Ministry of Health, Defence, Economy, Leisure, Laming, Crapping, Eating, Sleeping... ... However, this assassination attempt failed terribly as the SML Police (SMLP) managed to catch the assassin just in time.
SMLP's detective Smlock Holmes managed to solve a secret message that told of the assassination. The SMLP deployed millions of troops to hunt down the assassin and threw him in jail.
This assassin named Fashion Chocolate Cane (FChoc) is the sworn brother of FCC, who was also a fashionable person who broke into Chocolate Empire and stole the Chocolate King's magic crown, fusing with the crown in the process. However, as the power of the chocolate is not strong enough, FChoc was not powderful enough to beat the millions of SMLP troops and was defeated before he could murder the most powderful person n SML Land. FChoc's reason to assassin SML Land's president cum prime minister cum Ministry of Health, Defence, Economy, Leisure, Laming, Crapping, Eating, Sleeping... ... is that FCC was defeated by SML Land people and he swore revenge.
SMLP has poured molten chocolate over FChoc and hyper freezed the chocolate, thus trapping FChoc in his own elements. FChoc is now staying in the eighteenth basement of SML Jail (SMLJ).
SML TIMES out.
. ' 10:15 PM
On SML National Day, the evil FCC was beaten. Thus to celebrate this occasion, this fateful day will be declared the National Day of SML Land. So SML Land residents will be celebrating both their national days on the same day.
Also, to celebrate the victory, a SML Ballroom Dancing Competition will be held at Gorilla, Godzilla and their old sis's house on 31st December 2007 and 1st January 2008. They will also be hosting a new year sleepover at their house. There will be ice skating competitions and banana eating competitions too.
If you are interested in ballroom dancing, sleeping, ice skating or eating banana, this is a chance you muz not miss. See you there!!!
Fashion Candy Cane (FCC) the great villain has finally been captured on SML National Day! The SML Ninja, Red Spade Ranger (last ranger standing) and the SML Samurai combined forces and took FCC down. The final showdown took place at the S11 foodcourt at Jurong East and SML reporters rushed down to the scene only to see that FCC had already been knocked out. Our SML reporter interviewed the NINJA (N) RED SPADE RANGER (RSR) and SML SAMURAI (SMLS):
SML: wah seh, nt bad leh! N: ya la.. we pro ma RSR: i poked him with my pinky and he fell over N: whey! he fell cos i throw cheese and banana skin at him hor! RSR: where got?! N: you TAAAUUUGAAYYY! *@&#*&@#*(&(@#*(#@^&*&^$ RSR: **^%^%#$@#^%&*#%^&^%$#@% SMLS: u 2 dun crap la, i take him down de.
N: how?!
RSR: yeah lor yeah lor, how?!
SMLS: samurai magic la
N & RSR: yeah rite, dun anyhow sae
SMLS: i whr gt anyhow sae, i v ren4 zheng1 sae one lor
*a fight broke out a among the three heros*
(SML reporter runs off to hide)
Anyway, here's the prized photo of the month:
FCC IN THE FLESH!
Santa gave a press conference yesterday and said that the presents with him will be sent out by snail mail. Everyone should be able to receive their respective presents in 50 years' time. Here are some of the highlights of the presents that some of us are gonna receive.
Jw: a stuffed toy jaguar that eats potato and turtles/tortoise Ken: a pair of decandifying boots(leftover stock) Pc: free eternal membership to science centre fashion: B.R.A.S member card(1 year) gorilla: permit to kick fashion's butt at anytime, anywhere, anyday. godzilla: permit to shutup whenever she wants to cow: black pepper seasoning jojo: personal hairstylist who specialises in doing mo-hawks zx: polka dotted umbrella zh: high heels cloud: a broom and a free packet of sml pet food yawn: wuzun shengy: rain(comes together with dark clouds and an umbrella) xm: clarinet together with phantom of the opera score
SML TIMES out.
. ' 10:32 PM
As promised, a new hero will appear on SML National Day to fight the evil. His name is SML Samurai (SMLS). With his super duper mega mighty ultra ultimate extreme powderful wings, he will be able to fly and do aerial attacks on FCC. the wings also serve as shields against FCC's candy-fication beams and even reflect he beams back.
Also, SMLS's swords have the ability to cut through candy like a super sharp knife through air.
The book of the ancient SMl told of a hero who will rise up agains FCC. Is SMLS the hero, or isit someone else? This we may never know as the outcome of the battle has not been known yet.
Mean while, the SML Police (SMLP) has upgraded all their units' equipments to new and improved weapons. The police will also be receiving the newly invented Solar powered torch light which has the ability to convert sunlight into light to melt FCC's candy so that the five trapped rangers can be freed. This torch light can also melt FCC himself if enough light is directed onto him.
SML TIMES out.
. ' 10:10 PM
Calling all SML Land residents
Stand together and fight the evil!!!
Date: SML National Day Venue: Anywhere that FCC maybe at at that time What to bring: Any weapon/toy that look like weapon/things you use to threaten ppl/candy- melting machines/anything u wan
A new hero will be introduced on the day of the attack, keep this secret so that FCC wun be suspecting anything! Shhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Due to FCC being on the loose, sml scientists have come up with a pair of boots which secrete a de-candification liquid . This boots come in useful when your legs are candified and you need to run and escape desperately as they cause your candified legs to return to normal. The front of the boots are equipped with spikes for you to kick FCC if you get close enough and take revenge on him for candifying your: fiancee/ husband/ wife/ girlfriend/ boyfriend/ father/ mother/ sister/ brother/ son/ daughter/ niece/ nephew/ aunt/ uncle/ grandmother/ grandfather/ grandson/ granddaughter/ father-in-law/ mother-in-law/ sister-in-law/ brother-in-law/ god-brother/ god-sister/ god-father/ god-mother/ cousin/ cousin-in-law/ very distant cousin/ long-lost relative/ best friend(s)/ enemy/ acquaintance/ just-a-friend kind of friend/ classmate/ schoolmate/ cca mate/teacher/ principal/ boss(NO PAY ): )/ collegues/ toilet auntie/ toilet uncle/ cook/ chaffeur/ butler/ housekeeper/ playmate/ pet ant/ house/ favourite plate of char kway teow with extra taugay/ chopticks and spoon/ bed/ toiletbowl/ drinking source/ precious handphone/toilet paper/ your hair/ own self/ ETC...............................................[NOTE: THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS]
Note: The de-candifying boots can also decandify things/people that have been candified by FCC. Please head down to your nearest 8-Twelve Shop now and grab a pair of anti-FCC BOOTS now!!! first 20 customers get a free pair of stockings to wear with your boots!
SML TIMES out.
.Wednesday, December 26, 2007 ' 10:59 PM
The new and improved CANDY SHIELD.
Due to the rise of the evil Fashion Candy Cane (FCC), the SML scientists have come up with a new shield to block out the evil. This shield have the ability to block the Candy-fication beam that FCC can produce. Also, with this shield comes a Candy Sword which you can use to whack FCC.
-This shield and sword can combine into a blaster to shoot at FCC.
-With five rangers down, residents of SML Land have to play a part to fight the FCC.
More SHOCKING NEWS!!! The FASHION CANDY CANE has escaped from the jail!!! The SML Land is currently in a state of emergency!! Residents please do not leave your home unless absolutely necessary or risk being turned into a candy cane!!
When our reporters went to the SML Jail (SMLJ), we saw a trail of candy-fication. Fifty jail wardens die candy-fied, and a wall was turned in to candy which was then eaten through. Our reporters understand from the SML Detective, Smlock Holmes, that the Fashion Candy Cane (FCC) has managed to reanimate himself, and then candy-fied the walls of his cell, allowing himself to eat through the wall. His escape caused many wardens to attempt to stop him, but they were candy-fied.
It is difficult to find out where FCC is now as he only clue we have is the trail of candy that lead to a candy shop (note: FCC will transform everything he touch into candy). Thus, it is very hard work to locate FCC. The SML Rangers (SMLR) are trying their best to locate this villain. However, many fear that it may be already too late... ...
FCC was originally a fashionable person, however on the night before Christmas, he sneaked into the Candy Empire and stole the Candy Queens magic candy staff. By chance, he fused with the magic candy cane and became the FCC. SMLP is still trying to find out why has this fashionable person done such a thing. The magic candy cane has given FCC great powers, and now our only hope of stopping him is for the SMLR to defeat him.
However, the SMLR may be not enough. Five of the six rangers were found trapped in molten candy. Only the Red Spade Ranger is not trapped. The Book of the Ancient SML found in the SML Library (SMLL) have told of this day, which a great evil will overcome SML Land. Then a lone hero will appear to attempt to save the world. However the book did not tell us of the ending.
Will we be saved, or will the evil of FCC rule??
SML TIMES out.
.Tuesday, December 25, 2007 ' 9:01 PM
SHOCKING NEWS!!! The REAL SANTA was found gagged, naked and tied up in a corner at 2malan road. SMLP found him at 8.00am this morning during their search for the 'santa' who did not deliver all our presents. When asked wad he could recall of the christmas eve's incident, this is wad he had to say, "THAT STUPID FASHION HERO LA...11pm suddenly come my house say 'i wanna be a ....hero....'..it was like he in a trance lo, so scary... after that he stripped me, tied me up and dropped me off here....lucky it was a blessing in disguise, if it had been me climbing on rooftops, i would have been de one tortured...heng ar."
As far as we know, after dropping santa at 2malan road, fashion then went to orchard road for a lil christmas shopping and to buy a pillow so that he can look fatter.Fashion is still nowhere to be found. however, experts believe that fashion's primary reason for wanting to be santa is because he thinks that santa's outfit is VERY fashionable. secondly, delivering all the children's present would make him seem like a real hero....however, we have reason to believe NOTHING went according to plan.
IN OTHER NEWS THAT IS NOTHING RELATED TO THE ONE ABOVE..=D..... The SML Rangers (SMLR) were seen fighting a crook yesterday. This crook was seen dressed in a torn shirt and was pleasantly plump. He wielded a candy cane and used Christmas Magic on the SMLR, almost changing them to candy canes. However Red Spade Ranger used his Spade Shield to deflect the shot, which hit the crook instead and turned him into fat fat candy cane. The candy cane was handed over to the SML Police (SMLP).
SML TIMES out.
. ' 4:42 PM
A MUST-WATCH MOVIE THIS SEASON :DDD
Warning: when watching please hold on tight to your popcorn and loose change. lost popcorn and coins are hard to locate in a dark cinema. (advice was given due to someone's previous bad experience)
At twelve midnight last night, many wished each other merry christmas and cheered. Little did they know that at the same time, a fat red man was continually torture, gangbanged,robbed and even bombed at. SML times reviews wad happened last night, while everyone was celebrating. -the FIRST incident that took place was at Jaguars house. As according to tradition, Santa arrived at jaguars house right on schedule to deliver him his present. Instead of giving santa a glass of milk and a plate of cookies, jaguar tested out his bomb on santa. when asked why, jaguar had this to say,: " i tot he intruder ma!! walau, stupid fat guy come disturb my sleep...i nvr let my dog bite him very good liao!"
-not giving up hope, santa then went to fingersmith's house. little was known of what exactly happened there but when SML reporters visited fingersmith's house the next day. this is what they found hidden in a drawer -a sack full of toys -two jaguars -a belt -santa's hat -sants's beard -a wallet with santa's IC -$50000000
-the last house that SML reporters knew that santa went to was banana and gorilla's...everything was fine until they leapt out from the dark and jumped onto him. Then they tortured santa and demanded him to leave hannah alone.
santa was last seen running away from their house with his shirt torn apart, and his hair flying wildly screaming "NO PRESENTS FOR YOU BANANA!!!"
under sml law section B sub section 2.1 paragraph 5- santa must deliver all presents at midnight. failure to do so will be giving false hope to all children out there, santa is in big trouble and may face a penalty of 90strokes of the cane and up to 364days of jail term.
readers who have seen or heard anything of santa's whereabouts are to report them to SML times BECAUSE HE STILL HAS NOT DELIVER ALL OUR PRESENTS!!!
SML TIMES out.
.Monday, December 24, 2007 ' 10:44 PM
This is an announcement
TOMORROW 25TH DECEMBER 2007
is CHRISTMAS DAY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!! YYYYYYYYYYYYY
this announcement has been brought to you by SML Times SML Times is a copy wrong brand name, so dun try to copy, cos if u go copy, den u r wrong. Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Tomorrow at midnight exactly, a fat man dressed all in red and white will be spotted on people's roof all over SML Land. This man whom wish to keep his name secret (we all know he is Santa clause), will be bringing to all the kids who have behaved themselves for the past year.
When SML Times reporter travelled to the North Pole to ask him how was his preparation for this year's donation of presents, he say that he has encountered some difficulties. First, he was unable to get the required number of reindeer for his sledge as illegal poaching have caused the reindeer population to drop greatly. Thus this year, he has used a pair of JAGUARS to pull his sledge. This pair of jaguars have special anthers tied to their head so that they look like reindeers.
Next, there was a lack in Christmas spirit this year as many people have forgot about Christmas and are instead celebrating New Years Day on 25th Dec. They thought Christmas was on 1st Jan. This lack of Christmas spirit may cause the people to not welcome Santa when he lands on their roof top. However, this problem will be solved later as SML Times will be making an official announcement that tomorrow is Christmas.
Third, due to the heavy fog problem, Santa's flight may be hindered as like many flights from the various airports in the Northern hemisphere. However, SML scientists have invented a wind-powered fan to help blow the fog away so that Santa will be able to take flight.
Last, the elves had went on strike a week before due to low pay (their wages is US$100000000000000000000 per hour). They were able to get the US$100000000000000000001 per hour they wanted just in time, so they still have to rush in order to pack all the presents.
As you can see, in order to get the Christmas presents you wanted, Santa, and the SML scientists and SML Times and the jaguars, have put in so much effort. We wish that you will treasure all the presents you receive, even if it is just a rotten banana skin.
Once again, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
SML TIMES out.
. ' 10:05 PM
BANANA Eating Competition
Date: SML Day, u noe which day it is Time: 0000hrs Venue: BANANA'shome What to bring: -you -your mouth -your chopsticks/spoon/fork/knife/spade/tongs/anything you use to eat
There have been numerous reports of cash shortage in SML Land today. The SML Times reporter have travelled all the way to the SML Bank (SMLB) next door to the press station to find out what have happened.
The SMLB spokesman told our reporters that the bank has just replaced the 100000000000000000000 atm machines in the 1km2 area of SML Land with the new improve atm machine that can defend itself. This has caused difficulty when old people wanted to take money from the atm machines as the machines simply ran away. Thus the young and old were unable to get their money as the could not catch up with these machines, while the middle-aged people had to run hard to catch up with these machine, only to be trashed by the atm.
SMLB spokesman suggests to the general public that when ever you have to go to the atm machine, please remember to bring a soft toy, preferably an octopus like the one taugay received from pee on Valentine's day. The soft toy is to be used to knock the atm machine into concussion so that the user can get his/her/its money in peace.
SMLB has upgraded the atm machines because the old model was unable to run away from robbers, thus causing an increase in atm robbery. This new model is able to run away from the robbers unless that is, the robber knocks the atm machine out cold with a soft toy.
SML TIMES out.
. ' 2:10 AM
this is a NOTICE to correct the previous adv/post(s) on the ATM.
the all new SPECIAL atm machine with xtra features!!
- the atm comes with auto-retaliate hands and legs to protect herself frm other external/ violent attacks (esp frm taugay!!).
- money taken frm the atm must be returned back to the account with a flat interest rate of tentententententententententen (aka 100) % when the card holder sees the atm nxt time. this is a joint effort of the SML-CPF committee and the SML-bank so tt citizens would be financially self-reliant when dey grow old. this helps to cope with the ageing population tt e country is facing and also help the SML-bank(atm division) earn more money.
NOTE TO USERS: offenders shall face punishments ranging frm emptying 20kg of water frm cactus bottles at the fun place to being kicked/ spanked/ whacked on the butt.
SML TIMES out.
.Saturday, December 22, 2007 ' 11:03 PM
WANTED
The following announcement goes out to all those who read it. The E=MC2 Ushers have escaped the country and are now wanted by the SML Police (SMLP).
They are -taugay -fash ion hiro nakamura -pee -boogay.
A reward of S$0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 rewarded to those who catch them alive, and an award of SML$1 is rewarded to those who capture them dead. If you have any news to provide the SMLP of where these criminals are, please contact the SMLP at 1800-555-555.
Short of cash, have no fear. There is this new ATM Card here. Just put it into the ATM and all the cash will just come out. U wan to stop it oso cannot.
This card can be specially bought by placing ur order at any 8-twelve outlets, and afer 100000000000000000 Years, you will have it sent to ur doorsteps. Then simply slot it into the machine and you will have limitness amount of cash to use.
Some more, subscribtion for the card is free!!!! Just go to any 8-twelve shops and you can subscribe for the card. u just have to wait for it!
as of today, the e=mc2 team is no more as they have fled to timbuctoo to escape arrest by the smlp. an arrest warrant is out for them and anyone with news can contact the smlp at 1800-555-555. there's a $0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 reward for capturing any of the e=mc2 team members alive, so please do your part for the community and get them. please do not practice the rule of finders keepers should you find any of them, even though one of them is an atm which does not require a card of any kind. she spews out money like no one's business when you tell her to. you must have integrity!!! mrs looks says IT FEELS GOOD TO DO GOOD.
the four wanted people are : taugay, fash ion hiro nakamura, pee and boogay.
do YOU have a boyfriend that YOU wan to get rid off? does HE stick to YOU even when YOU call him to go away? do YOU find it hard to say YOU want to break up wif him? have no fear.....introducing de BOYFRIEND REMOVAL-ADVANCED SQUAD!!! or..BRAS!!
This is a special squad consisting of only TWO members!! register number 2's sisters... banana and gorilla!!! here are some of the things they MIGHT do to ur future ex-boyfren!! -kick his butt -tease him -say he is gay -laugh at him -beat him up -give him blue blacks -bite his butt and many more...
not convinced?!?! here is a quote from a satisfied customer!!! "they are the worst there is!! bestmy foot!! i love my boyfriend and becuz of them, he was scared away!!!"
NOTE: COMMENTS GIVEN BY CUSTOMERS ARE OBLIGED TO BE SUBJECTED TO IRRESPONSIBLE EDITING. (thanks for your understanding)
interested readers can ask for more info by dialling 1800-BRAS-555 =D
(SML times will not be responsible for any damage, injuries or death caused by BRAS..readers are warned)
This announcement goes out as a correction to the closing date of the E=MC2 Usher's booth. It has been postponed to 22 December 2007, one day later. When SML Times reporter asked why have they decided to do so, they say that due to popular response and a faulty washroom, the had no choice but to do so. It was noted that the washroom near the booth had no toilet bowls and urinals or washing basins. Thus this lead to complains that the winners in the Strike Hammer Game could not claim their prizes. So, during the night of 21 December 2007, instant toilet bowl, urinals and washing basins will be added to the washrooms. These instant things can be bought at any 8-twelve shops, to use them, just add a drop of water.
Also, due to the large number of visitors demanding to play the slinky spring puzzle which was not present today at the booth, the E=MC2 Ushers decided to obtain another one through means of beg, borrow and steal. This puzzle has also been advertised on classified ads on the SML Times.
However, readers please do note that 22 December 2007 is the final and definite closing date of the illegal E=MC2 Usher booth. If you still want to win a chance to stay overnight at Changi Airport Terminal 3, you have to go! By the way transport to the airport is not provided.
SML TIMES out.
. ' 8:47 AM
PAPE and PAPEJIRO is on for sale at a discounted price of $999999999999999999999999999999999999.99. these are two robots who are able to interact wif ppl...pape onli understands japanese while papejiro is an effective bilingual trained in both english and japanese. here are some of the things they can do and say: "im tired of this shit" "say 1 if u wanna piss" "say 2 if u wanna shit" "say 3 if u wan both" "heeheehoo" "*american national anthem to help u shit" they can help constipated ppl take out shit wif force
for a live demostration please visit the SSC and ask the e=mc2 ushers.(not joking) to buy one..please visit SSC and ask the ushers too!!!(joking)
Very sian? Wan sth to do? Need sth to solve? Get the all new
SPRING PUZZLE!!
This puzzle is unique. Dun underestimate this slinky spring, it has the ability to creat unlimited different problems for u to solve. Just whip ur fren with it and u wil hav sth to solve in no time. Other than to be used as a puzzle, it can climb down stairs n slopes (suppose to), and if the suspension spring of ur car or bike is broken, u can use it as a replacement.
-comes in big and small size
-comes in long n short
-comes in round, hexagon, spade, diamond, heart (sorry no club) shape
Also available, kaleidoscopes, rubber balls, skulls, and most impt, the robots, Zenjiro and Pape-Jiro. Pape-Jiro can help u check ur shit.
Since two days ago, four teenagers were spotted setting up a booth at one dark corner of the Singapore Science Centre (SSC). According to the SML World Law, it is illegal to set up booth in the SSC. Those who have committed such offence will be sent to death by encasing the offenders in a rubber balloon filled with hydrogen gas and placing the balloon near a Tesla Coil, that has the ability to generate electric energy up to 3.5 million volts.
However, this illegal booth seem to have attracted many visitors even though it was sited in a dark corner. When SML reporters visited the booth, it was noticed that the visitors were playing with various puzzles, including rush hour, weird spiderman game, wooden cube, metal ring with spike thing and the most famous, a slinky spring (this is most difficult as you have to untangle the spring standing only on your left foot with your right foot in your mouth). When our reporters asked the attendants who wish to be called the E=MC2 Ushers, they say that they have set such a booth so that they can do the required 20 hours of volunteer work to gain FREE membership in the SCC.
The team say that those who have the ability to solve their puzzles will be awarded the verbal "GOOD JOB" award and a free chance to go to the washrooms near the stall to drink from the taps.
They have also taken in control of a Strike Hammer Game in which a person can see how much force he can generate with a hammer. They have decided to award those who can obtain a score of 100 or higher with a free visit to the various washrooms in the SCC, a free drink from the water coolers in Changi Airport Terminal 3 and a free chance to watch chicks hatch from eggs. Those who obtain a score of 120 get a free chance to stay overnight in Changi Airport Terminal 3 and seat on the S$800.
However, this booth will only be open for another day, which is tomorrow 21 December 2007 due to the fact that it is an illegal stall. If you wish to win the attactive prizes, it is best to visit the stall before it closes.
SML TIMES out.
.Wednesday, December 19, 2007 ' 10:50 PM
THE AMAZING BLACK 8 BALL -can help u win without u moving -can help ur opponent win without them moving -pockets when u dun wan it to -dun pocket when u wan it to -the only black ball in the game -can be used to be pocketed -can be used to pocket other ball -can be used to win the game -can be used to lose the game -can be used to throw ppl -can be used to be thrown at -can be eaten if u wan to
Available at any 8ball or 9ball games Get it now while stocks last
On sunday 16 dec 2007,on the beaches of east coast park, a black twisted stone was seen rising into the air n disappearing into the central catchment area. It was observed in the days before the incident that the stone has landed at ECP and kept spawning black roaches. These black roaches are attacking people all over the island.
In the central catchment area, two person were seen fighting. According to SML Times spies deployed in the area, this two person were Kenzaki n the joker. it appears that Kenzaki has decided to lose his humainity by becoming a joker himself. after intense battle, Kenzaki was seen running away from the joker and jumping into pandan reservoir, whr he was never seen again.
Surprising, the atacks of the dark roaches hav also stopped. Expert chief Karasuma tells SML Times reporter that Kenzaki has sacrificed himself so that the stone can no longer spawn anymore dark roaches, but it now spawn cockroachs. Visitors to the central catchment area are adviced to bring incent repellent for their own safty.
The joker was also missing, and it is suspected that he now live n work at a coffee shop as two of hearts.
SML TIMES out.
. ' 11:00 PM
Here are the cut off pts for the top 10 JCs 1. Draw Middle JC -9.999 999 999 999pts or below 2. Penguin JC -10pts or below 3. AppleChocolate Joker Collegue 54pts or above 4. 555 henshin school any score oso accepted 5. 913 henshin school oso any score accepted 6. 315 henshin school dun accept ppl cos is empty school 7. 000 henshin school go in via DSA frm 315 henshin school 8. 888 gt rich school 8pts, 88pts, or 888pts ONLI 9. 999 wait long long school just wait long long can go in le 10. Bridge JC dun require any prelim or Olevel result, just need luck
Frm our last report, several JCs were found to be 100% empty of students due to low cut off pts. however, there is this sch which is more empty of student then the others, in fact, it is 101% empty of students. this is no other then Penguin JC (note "penguin is pronounced by its 3rd letter).
Its has been found out by SML Times reporters that their cut off pt was -10, so strict that even the latest moderator machine, Moderator 01.1 is unable to achieve such a score, its best was -9.999 999 999 999.
The Jaguar Action Party members are investigating the problem, and their spokesman says that the party hope that they can lower the cut off point by 0.000 000 000 001 so that someone can at least enter the school.
SML TIMES out.
. ' 10:51 PM
A few days ago, a boy was kicked out of APCJC (AppleChocolate Joker Collegue) because he has failed to put the school as his first choice in e PAE (Penguin Assessment Exercise).
"%#^^##, they tink they very big isit, dun wan me, lol," the enraged boy has told SML Times reporter, "y ppl gt 54 pts can go in i gt 6 pts cannot, bais la, they c more point equal better isit??
"SML Times reporter has found out that several collegue have refused to accept students with scores just 0.00763594 above their cut off points. how they gt this number is by taking e students prelim L1R5 and apply tangent rule, and then use the resulting number and three other random number to play the card game 24 where the player muz find a solution to gt the ans 24 as quickly as possible. The time taken to complete the game is the score which the collegue will use as the students PAE score.
However, there hav been complaint because of the strict control on e allocation of students to their school. Many students are unable to enter the top 50 JCs due to the strict control. this has resulted in a situation where the top 49.99 JCs hav no students.SML Times reporters are still investigating this surprising phenomena that has happened. Readers with any information pls call "555-913-315-000-henshin" to report ur findings to SML Times.
SML TIMES out.
. ' 10:39 PM
Introducing the new n improved moderator, that can help a person moderate their score to what ever they wan. the previous model (Moderator 01) could onli moderator a persons score by plus minus 10 000 000%. this new improved moderator (Moderator 01.1) has the ability to moderate a score by 10 000 000.000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 001%, a considerable improvement of 0.000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 001%.
"i am now able to moderator my L1R5 score frm 6 to 60 with this machine, as i can get G10 for all my subjects" -- consumer
"last time i hav a L1R5 score of 60, now i hav -6 raw score. the Moderator 0.01 has allow me to gt Z-1 for all my subjects!!" -- another consumer
If u wan to purchase this machine, br happy to visite any CARD WARS shop near ur hse!!
now, who says you need steven spielberg when you have us?
Director: No one in particular Camera man: Fingersmith Cast: Us Scriptwriter: Nah, don't need one Lighting and Props: The school hall and everything in it. Producer: 4Eclectic Productions
A timeless creation by Jaguar Warrior, Miao, KK Fingersmith and perhaps Keith(?). SML Online is the online version of the famous SML Times and Revivals which was usually written on discarded foolscap paper backs. No matter what, it is still out to brighten its faithful readers' day and let everyone have a good(lame) laugh. Yup, ITS BACK AGAIN!!
But this time round, we're bringing sexy back. Yeah dude. It's all cool (cause of the lameness? i donch know).
FCC IN THE FLESH!
miss lai and our tribute
Lai lai's stall!
