.Saturday, April 26, 2008 ' 11:03 PM
Here is a brief summary of the major religions and beliefs in SML Land
1)SMLism
This is the most wide spread religion. Everyone in SML Land believe in SMLism. You can also get yourself converted at any SML Churches around the world, if you can find one.
2)Jaguarism
Not as common as SMLism, but still common enough. It is ranked the second biggest religion in SML Land. (Note: People of SML Land can practise multi-belief). All members of the Jaguar Action Party believe in Jaguarism.
3)FashionLism
Not very common, or not common at all. This is because FashionLism is banned in SML Land due to the large amount of trouble and damage done by FCC and his fashionable counterparts. However, the are several places you see people placing signs saying 'where fashion comes alive'. The SML Police are trying their best o locate and eliminate such places.
4)Otherlism
Includes all other religions you wish to believe in.
.Saturday, April 19, 2008 ' 10:47 PM
Battle of The CoffeeShop (Not S11)
Students vs aunty
A group of students were seen battling an aunty at a coffeeshop at 1230pm 19th April 2008. The battle was located at a smaller coffeeshop opposite the Seven11 along the trade route from Bedok MRT to TJC.
This group of students were seen buying bubble tea from a stall beside the coffeeshop. However, when they were about to dig into their food at the coffeeshop (NOT the bubble tea), an aunty came up to them and wanted to con them into thinking they have just committed a crime and have to pay a fine of $1.
She pointed at a notice on the walls of the coffeeshop saying" No outside food or beverages is to be CONSUMED in the coffeeshop". The students argued that they did not drink their bubble tea, thus they did not commit the crime. However, the aunty say that she do not care and that they are committing the crime by simply bringing the bubble tea into the coffeeshop.
This lead to a heated argument between the students and the aunty. The aunty threatened to call the school that the students came from, but she did not know what school the students came from. It seems that the full uniform and badges the students wore helped them to prevent the aunty from knowing what school they were from.
The students fought back bravely. In the end, the aunty lost the battle as she was unable to get the money, nor was she able to stop the students from drinking the bubble tea.
SML experts say that there are several reason that the aunty may have wanted to con the students:
1) The business was doing badly, and the aunty desperately needed money.
2) The aunty forgot to wear her spectacles and read the word 'consumed' as 'brought'.
3) The aunty learnt in the past from her teacher that the word 'consume' means to bring something to somewhere.
4) The aunty belongs to the KPH Clan.
5) The aunty eat full nothing to do.
6) The aunty was playing truth or dare.
However, what ever the reason, SML Times is organising a boycott on the coffeeshop. SML Times reporter Jaguar Warrior will be happy to show all where the coffeeshop is located at.
This is an article based on the real life event that happened at the place described at the time described.
.Thursday, April 17, 2008 ' 10:55 PM
Fresh BouncingBALL Results!!
ProJuniorCollege (aka PJC) just set a new record!!
After a fierce match against HarhChewInstitution,
ProJC scored a total of 8 points!
With a difference of 90 over points between the two,
ProJC has once again proven that winning isn't everything.
Final Score:
ProJC VS HarhChewInstitution - 8:103
.Wednesday, April 16, 2008 ' 9:57 PM
Battle of S11
Aunty vs Ah ma
A furious argument took place in JE S11 today night at around 910p.m. Our reporter was live at the scene of the argument but had to be evacuated due to the rising violence.
According to our reporter, the argument was between three drink stall aunty and a customer ah ma who was dressed in dark purple top and jeans. It stated when the ah ma asked for a drink. When the first aunty brought over the drink, one or more of the following reasons may have started the argument:
1) The aunty was rude to the Ah ma
2) The Ah ma say she did not know the price of the drink and thought it cost just 1cent.
3) The Ah ma very fast (derived from speed aunty from the library, a.k.a. K**P**Hag(KPH))
4) The Ah ma wanted green tea, but the aunty brought coke.
Anyway, the argument soon heated up. The Ah ma was seen using an attack called pointing fingers at incorrect direction. The aunty could not handle the stress, and called over a partner. Her partner, another aunty, tried to fight back, but also could not make it. In the end, she also called for friendly help. A third aunty arrived on the scene. She had a fierce argument with the Ah Ma. Both of them were seen doing strange dances in which they made weird waving hand movements and spoke loudly but not clearly. Thus our reporter was unable to understand what they were saying.
In the end, SML Times HQ called for the reporter to be evacuated by an escort of F4 Phantom, F6 Hellcat, F8 Crusader, F15 Eagle, F16 Falcon, F18 Hornet and F22 Raptor fighters. Just as the flying escort left the scene, major war broke out. The ending is still unknown, but SML Times promise to TRY ITS BEST to find out.
This story is based on a actual incident that happened in Jurong East S11 Coffeeshop on 16th April 2008 at around 2110 hours.
.Saturday, April 12, 2008 ' 9:13 PM
random stuff
ken is called ken cause he likes KENtucky fried chicken and kenned (canned) food.
pc is called pc cause she likes pig (pork) and chicken (kfc too). so pc it is!
hiok yang is called hiok yang cause it's derived from shen yang (meaning: god goat).
jw has a lot of bruises and 2 black eyes cause mr chng says god bash you.
monica chng is called monica chng cause mr chng says mo ni ka cheng ):
l2m is l2m cause her parents found that l1m was too short. they wanted her to be at least 2m tall but ohwell.. it never came to pass.
mrs lee-teo is called mrs lee-teo cause she was once a lily which tio (teo) stung by a bumble bee.
4e is called 4e cause it's 4eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww! :D
.Wednesday, April 9, 2008 ' 10:09 PM
This is an apology for the late update on the invasion from FashionLand. It happens that the FashionManic bombed the SML Times' main publishing centre, and the previous message have been sent from one of the SML Times 10000000000 secret underground back-up publishing posts.
By the way, the army from CandyLand came to help SML Land. It was found out that the FashionManics were weak against candies ( i say were because there is no more FashionManic available now). Thus CandyLand Army used molten candy to destroy all the FashionManics. They also helped in pushing the FashionLand people back into their country. The SML Armed Force and the CandyLand Army combined and destroyed everything related to FashionLand. So the evil motive to revive FCC was gone forever and ever and ever. (Ppl dun EVER revive him again!!!!!!!!!).
In order to celebrate the victory, four JCs from the East Side of Singapore (abit no link la) have come together to hold a CO concert. The schools are MJ, TpJ, TJ and VJ. They will be playing a total of five songs, of which two will be the same (VJ and TJ copy each other). If you wish to purchase tickets for the concert, please approach JW latest by this Saturday. The concert will be held on 19 April 2008, Saturday, 5pm at VJC Audi. Tickets are priced at 2bucks!!!!! (cheaper den a plate of chicken rice!!)
.Monday, April 7, 2008 ' 7:43 PM
SML times has recently noticed many students in jc1 stressing over their PI-premehmermamee ideash(as pronounced by mr chng) and thus have decided to come up with some tips and suggestions in hope of helping pupils get a good grade(F) =D
Ideas for task1:
1)journey of how a group of people played 'connect' and linked ppl up at the grandstand and in a class of RV.
significant impact:kena caught by teachers and became smarter aka send lookout
msg delivered:next time open dens be smart
planned journey: gambling camp =D
2)journey of how fashion hero became fashion hero
significant impact: he became fashionable
msg delivered: its not easy being fashionable
source evidence that can be collected:interview with fashion hero
planned journey: stay-over at fashion's house and let him help you with a complete makeover(gender change included too!!)
3) journey of how sheng yang passed his days with a SHAVED leg
significant impact: mental and emotional torture led godgoat realise the important of his hair
msg delivered:treasure ur hair
planned journey: shave everyone's hair to let them experience the mental and emotional journey shengyang went through
Ideas for Task 2:
1) Modernisation of "linking ppl" in RV
positive impacts on RV student body:can find sth to kill time
how to be extended: open carnival to promote linking of ppl
2)Modernisation of SML time (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!)
positive impacts: produced more laughter, lightened atmosphere..allow a passage for unhappy morons to vent their anger and for idiot who jiak bao bo xi zhuo to kill time(looks at jw)
how to be extended: invite more writers and readers (DUH)
3)modernisation of teaching methods of LTsquare(LTLT)
NEGATIVE IMPACTS: bored students to death, induce sleep and stupor, confusion among students, failure....ETC ETC....(sml times compiled a list of 10000+ negative impacts from this modernisation but the typer thumb got blister so cannot type all)
positive impacts: led to the modernisation of SML TIMES!!!
how to be prevented:"LTLT....u tmr no nid come skool liao, i let u have a.....long holiday....so to speak..=D"
Tips:
1) Dont rite ur essay in tis kind of eng, sure fail one LA
2) Try to keep ur sentences short and to the point, meaning dont beat around the bush and turn here turn there, which will affect the mood of the reader or confuse them such that they will not know what u are trying to tell them and what is the point of you writing this long sentence.
3)important sentence structure is let people what talking about understand
4)And....never start ur sentences with "and"
5)Rmbr what u are writing...do not go off to-.......wonder what's tmr's lunch
6)remember to include your credits at the end (e.g. i would like to thank my mom, my dad, my sis, my bro, my granddad. my grandmom, my uncle, my auntie, my cousin, my friends, my friend's friends, my friend's friend's friends....etc)
7)Leave ur name..i dun care whether u are called ahkow or ahbu, u dun leave name =0marks
WE hope u have enjoyed reading this post and found the tips and suggestions useful. Any comments can be left at the tagboard and SML times will review and add on to our list ASAP...THANKS =D
.Saturday, April 5, 2008 ' 10:10 PM
The FashionLand people have launched the ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!
From the map, we can see that the Fashionable Army attacked SML Land with three different armies from the North. To the right is the army lead by Rita Repulsa and her clay man. The middle is taken by Korrag and his decaying man. The left wing contains the strongest troops--- the FashionManic lead by FashionHero's hero--- Fashion HERO HERO (FHH).
The SML Armed Force have responded swiftly and decisively. The specially designed Preservative Cannons are used against Korrag and his decaying troops. The attack have caused this wave to retreat to behind the borders of Fashion Land and SML Land.
The Water Cannon Unit (WCU) was deployed to counter Rita and the Clay mans. So far there have been no SML injury or death on this side of the battle. It is rumoured that Rita was actually killed in combat.
However, the left wing attackers, the feared FashionManics are fighting up to their names. The used fashionable things to attack our army, and all efforts to stop them have not been successful. The bulk of the SML Armed Forces have been deployed to counter the FashionManics. However, FashionHeroHero seemed fearless in battle, and our forces have been pushed back.
At the same time, SML Land's allies have launched attacks on FashionLand from all around. It is known that LMS had bombed FashionLand's capital FashionCapital with 2000000 atomic bombs. At the same time, SLM and LSM have destroyed as large percentage of FashionLand's fashion making machine. MSL and MLS have amassed troops to help in the effort to counter the FashionManics.
However, with the FashionManics just miles away from SML Land's Capital, it may already be too late for a counter attack. Only a miracle would save SML Land now... ...
.Friday, April 4, 2008 ' 9:51 PM
Tension has grown as the diplomatic ties between
SML Land and
FashionLand increased. According to various sources, it was found out that people from the
FashionLand were attempting to resurrect FCC. They have set up the booth 'Where Fashion Comes Alive' to cheat people into thinking that the will find fashionable stuff and walk inside. Then they will knock the person out with a pencil and steal his soul away. The soul will be used to revive FCC.
However, the
SML Rangers were sent to investigate the booth, and foiled all attempts to revive FCC. The secret agents from
FashionLand --- Fashion Hero, Fashion Heroine, Fashion Mistress, Fashion
Wawa... ... were all taken into the new
SML Jail for further investigation.
FashionLand government have demanded the release of the secret agents, but
SML Government have rejected the demand. Currently, both side are massing armies at the border.
SML Land has also asked for ally help from
LMS Land,
MSL Land,
MLS Land,
SLM Land and
LSM Land. The alliance of six countries have surrounded
FashionLand completely.
The
SML Government warns all citizens that war may break out any moment, thus all citizens should be prepared. Everyone should keep a weapon at home, for example candy cane, broom stick, bamboo pole, toilet paper or poker cards. This is to ensure that in cases of a full scale invasion from
FashionLand, all citizens will be able to
defend the country.
In the mean time, the
SML government and the alliance are making a deal with
FashionLand--- surrender or be destroyed. And surrender means losing everything, land, labour, capital and enterprise. Hopefully, the talk will work out.
